There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like somewhat of a failure. Earning my BA is something that really made me see myself as a success finally. My Master’s is now in process and things are looking bright.
Beating breast cancer made me feel like a superhero. I always knew that strength was within but never on this level. My entire life has been a battle that I am not willing to share with the world as of yet. There are some things in life that should be kept between you and God. Honestly, I am very surprised that there is no bitterness towards God with all that life has thrown my way.
Sometimes I felt like the life was being sucked from my soul the pain was so great. There were times that I drowned in my own sorrows of tears ending up hyperventilating because I was so upset. GOD! I stopped asking why realizing that it was his will. He loves me? Yes…although it is hard to believe at times minus the fact that Jesus died on the cross for me. But did he have a choice or did he really want to die? Be that as it may, he died for us.
Then I thought to myself that my mother beat my arse and that was painful by the way. Mommy used to beat my butt so badly that I thought she was going to kill me.
Kids have a vivid imagination, it really was not that bad. Sometimes I knew I deserved every spanking and there were times I didn’t feel it was needed. As a child, I begin to discover who I was and became stubborn. Those beatings shaped me right up real fast. I was not the best child and thank goodness my mom made sure I saw the light before becoming an adult. My point is maybe God was spanking me to make sure I stayed on the right path and wanted to grab my attention.
I have always loved God but there were times I put him on the back burner far too many times then I got burned in the oven of fire called life’s consequences. BREAST CANCER! BAD RELATIONSHIPS! If I had only listened to God and followed his word. I beat breast cancer and know that there are so many things in my life now that must be fixed because I did not seek God first. In order for my life to flow, blossom and grow I must put God first. Stagnant water begins to stink, bugs start to come and the water is no longer clean or clear. This is not how I want my life to be!
I have come through the fire unseared because of the faith I never knew I had so much of. Funny how so many ignore God but when they are on their death bed they call out to God for help.
Thank goodness I loved God prior to my cancer diagnosis. I didn’t come to God and ask to be healed from Cancer without knowing him first. One thing for certain, I know that without faith there was no way possible I would have made it through this journey. The chemo treatments alone were enough to wipe me out mentally and physically.
I would never wish cancer on my worst enemy since it is so evil and cruel showing no mercy. The entire time there was a spiritual and mental battle that could have been easily lost.
Cancer is no joke! When I look back at where I was and where I am now it is nothing but GOD and my FAITH that kept me alive. Discovering that my strength and belief is amazing! I not only believed that God would deliver me I believed in myself. My life is no longer stagnant and I have mixed feelings about what I had to endure in order to open my eyes to truly see what life has to offer. I have a third eye and there are really so many super kind loving folks left in this world.