Random Thoughts

Having a perfect relationship is impossible; being happy in that relationship is what really matters. If you aren’t happy nothing else matters.

Second thought:
What’s the purpose of making a decision when the other person refuses to accept it?
If a person continuously tries to break you down to the point that you are mentally exhausted does that make you weak?
I believe it’s a temporary fix to back the person off until you come up with another plan of action.
Nobody likes to be forced into a situation they want out of.
Feeling responsible for someone’s happiness is too much!

Third thought:
I always tell myself; it could be worse.
Then I look around and count my blessing then respond to myself…yep things could be worse but they aren’t. Thank God…

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51 thoughts on “Random Thoughts

  1. I agree with you 100% no relationship is perfect. Millionaires & billionaires aren’t as happy. A lot of us always ask for more but are not happy with the blessing god have gave us. There is some man woman and child that would always love to trade places with us. You may think you don’t have a lot but there is always someone out here with less. We should be happy we have a job good health food on our tables and roof over I heads we call home.If you have a woman or man that loves you with all his or her heart and soul and they don’t cheat you are blessed.

  2. I agree with you Rachel I have a question form the blogger also. I met a females years ago we started dating and we moved in with my mother because finically we both didn’t have good jobs. As time pass we got a room and than moved into a basement until we got our own apartment. We were building and we talked about getting married I was working two full time jobs to provided for her and her son. I’m working too jobs She out running the streets. One day she told me she was leaving me. I found out another man got her attention. A year later she called me last night and asked if we can talk so we met and talked now she wants to come back. She I take her back or just move forward? I’m lost don’t know what to do. Yes I still love her.

    • James that’s a tough one. You sound like a good guy but what’s her side of the story? There has to be more to it.
      She just up and left a decent hard working man for some random dude?
      So, ultimately you have to decide. A year apart is a good amount of time…
      Loving her still after all that time well says it’s something there. But does she love you or what you can do for her?

      • We just talked and she claims it was a mistake. No other guy would treat her like I treat her. Said the last guy played her. I asked why she left she said because I was never home always working. We didn’t spend anytime together. She blames me so I’m asking is it my fault I’m feeling bad. I read all your post how is things working out in your relationship i hope it worked out for the best.

      • James I believe her and understand where she is coming from.
        But that does not make it right.
        If all you did was work hard to provide for not only her but her child as well…hmmmm?
        I would have made myself busy in the house or hanging with friends during respectful hours platonic of course mainly women; focused on spending time with my child or going back to school.
        Oh and when you came home the house would be spotless and dinner cooked.
        Looks like she had her priorities out of order…again, she’s not here to defend herself I can only go on what you’ve communicated.
        It appears it was more. How was your sex life? If you don’t mind me asking?

      • At first the sex life was great but like a lot of relationships it got boring and we needed to find ways to spice it up. I’ve talk to a lot females they asked if I ever went down on her. Yes I did but I stopped. She would climax when I did it. She would get hers. But like I said be both got lazy she stop doing things I like and it hurt us:( I’m going to work it out and do whatever it take to make it work. I love her matter of fact I told her to write a comment.

      • James that is great to know you are willing to work out which will build stamina! Get her tiger! But I will suggest that the both of you get tested first. Use protection the first year if you can to make sure you are in the clear…I am not sure what your practices are so please do not be offended or who or how many folks you had sex with during your seperation. But better safe than sorry. I wish you both the best! You live and you learn. Keep in touch I want to know how you both are doing.

      • We are going to get tested together. I must say sex can be fixed if both parties agree. We both are willing to make it work so I don’t why it would not work.

      • I will do everything I can to make it work. I realize if he giving me 80% that 20 we can work on and get right

      • Sometimes it takes time apart to see things clear…you can only hope that if its meant to be you will come together again like you two did. Now you know what you were missing and its much more than SEX!
        You have my blessings! xoxoxoxo

      • I should have never left because now I’m worried if he can trust me. An sometime time apart can damage the relationship. But hey I’m hope it works out god knows I pray and hope it does. He asked me a millions questions some I could not respond and some I did. Pray for me

      • I already said a silent prayer…It’s cold and scary out here…nobody cares anymore it’s all about what can you do for me…I wonder if you were married would you have left…but that’s not important now…Trust has to be earned again..once you left the trust left…but he still loves you! It will take time 🙂

      • I will be honest yes I would have. Because I was young and dumb. We all make mistakes because I had the 80 in James and wanted that 20 and realize that like you said you can’t have 100% in a man or woman because no one is perfect.

      • James my relationship is headed for counseling!!! We need a neutral party to tell it like it is before moving forward.
        I have one life to live and I want it to be full of happiness and great sex with my husband. I just feel that if someone takes you for granted once they always will.

      • Counseling is great. I’m glad you both are taking that step. I hope it turns out for the best. I hope he’s a great guy and makes you happy. Speaking on sex I’m not that great in bed what can I do to improve that? Is sex 80 percent of the relationship? Can the good in a person outweigh the sex in a relationship?

      • WOW! James that is way out of my lead BUT I will give you my personal thoughts on the subject. It takes TWO!!!
        I don’t think it accounts for 80% and if it does they are doomed to fail since you need more than sex…and 80% is too darn high if that is what’s holding anyone together…What happens if you get bored what will you talk about? Do you enjoy eachother outside the bedroom? Those are all key factors…

      • We really do enjoy each other company. We laugh together this may sound strange but we play fight. You may not believe this but we don’t argue. How many of us can say we don’t argue in a relationship.

      • Who wants to fuss and fight that stress. I don’t need stress. Thanks for your help love you blog I will send more comments tomorrow. I going to go down on her each and every time and get some toys to spice up the love life:) I really hope and pray it works out for you and your man. I see it working out because you are a good hearted person. Tell him to spoil and treat you right.

      • Hello to everyone that commented on this topic sorry I’m so late. James don’t feel so bad I’m a 36 year old man in great shape I workout five days a weeks I have a six pack and all but I’m not that great in bed either. I come in 5minutes or less I get soft quick. I dated this woman gave her the world and I seek help from a doctor I asked my partner to come with me to the doctor she said no. I gave her 90% of happiness and 10% was the sex part of unhappiness. Ms blogger and other females if your man had the same problem as me and James would help him fix the problem or let it go?

      • She said no? Oh wow that’s a blower. Doctor? Why does it have to be a medical problem? It could be mental instead…it’s hard for SOME men to get into a woman when they know she’s not really in it all the way with him.

  3. Hello James the blogger gave you some very sound advice. From you post I think she is using you as a rebound. Other dude may have dumped her for another woman and she has no one else to turn to but you. What’s her side of the story?

  4. Hello blogger I’m James friend I must admit we made a lot of progress when we were together. I agree with him the boring same sex routine hurt. He stop going down on me and I missing cumming when he did that. I admit I stop giving him head. We both did damage. I have a question if your man is not that good in bed do you think sex toys and being spontaneous and adventures can help your sex life? I will admit at first he made cum than it stop. I really believe it’s because we both got lazy. I didn’t do my part to keep him going and he didn’t do his and look at happen.

    • Hello Kendra!
      Well, he was never home because he worked so much, right? Well, you have TWO issues boring sex and lack of quality time.
      Maybe he was exhausted from working TWO jobs ever think about that? 🙂

      • Yes you are right I didn’t look at it like that be would leave the house 5am and want get home until 11pm. As I had time to reflect I understand that. Your right it takes two I’m going to do my part and he’s going to do his and I see toys coming into the bedroom to spice things up.

      • Kendra we demand a lot from our men more than they can deliver alone…it’s ok now you see the light…we get lazy and want them to do all the work….LOL

  5. I like your honest it seems like you have been in my shoes. Why do we get lazy and want them to do all the work doing sex? Shit while the grinding on us we work and get ours too. Hmmm blogger you have help me in so many ways thanks.

  6. If your man gave you 80 he spoiled you work hard. All you was messing was sex. Would you trade 80 for 20? What would you do?

  7. Yea your right it takes two. It hurt me so bad cause she claim she love me and would do whatever it takes to make it work. That was just lies. 😦

  8. Good afternoon everyone. I have a serious problem. I will admit I agree with the blogger on the 80/20 rule. I’ve been with this man for six years and over the years he told little lies I ignored. We have our issues like every relationship but hey none of us are perfect. Last night we picked out a engagement ring. I didn’t get the ring but he said I will have it doing the summer time. It’s seems we are moving in the right direction. This may sound crazy but I’m thinking about couples therapy and of course we both agreed to go to marriage counseling before we get married. Should I just wait until we take marriage counseling or get started now. The problem we are having is he is selfish and when he goes out he doesn’t send a text or call to check on me or to let me know he’s ok and there are times he doesn’t come home and he would say I was tired I stayed at my friends house or I was to drunk so I slept in the car. I understand that happen sometimes and I’m all about safety first but should I have gotten a text from earlier? This happen at lease once a month. Can this be a sign there is another woman. He is really a home body he doesn’t run the streets like a lot of guys from my past that was cheating on me. For the past 7months he goes out every other weekend and when I ask for time he’s tired or have plans already. He use to wash my car get my oil change all the things a man should do now they stopped. Than when I want sex he turns me down sometimes:( that really hurts but than he will ask me to give him head. I’m like most women I sleep naked because I know he’s get hard at night I don’t mind him waking me up or playing between my legs to get me wet while I’m sleep but dude when I want some you turn me down if I say no you go in a rage. Ms Patrice how do I handle this? That is the 20% I’m unhappy about.

    • Hello Jenny B 🙂

      Well, let’s get started! You really don’t have a serious problem at all it’s a situation.

      First of all 6 years is too long to be in any relationship when you are not “married”. I am not a Bible thumper but we BOTH know that a man and woman should not be living under the same roof having sex when they are not husband and wife.

      I am guilty as charged as well…so trust me not judging you but God will not bless our relationship and we block our blessings living this way.

      After two years if he couldn’t make his mind up by then we both should have left our situation. Perfect has nothing to do with anything it’s about respect and not telling lies to the person you love because then all trust is lost and you have nothing.

      I am dealing with a lion king too so don’t feel bad. I told him if he told one more LIE we were done…yep he lied again and again…I am numb now!

      Picked a ring out? Payment made? Hmmmm? Promises, I hope he can keep. Summer, right?

      Couples therapy is not crazy if you feel like it will do some good and most importantly if he will participate since it takes two.

      Pre-marital counseling is totally difference form marriage counselling…

      Why would you want to marry someone that is selfish and not considerate enough to CALL not TEXT you if he’s not coming home that night? You live together that is so disrespectful.

      He could have called you to come pick him up or catch a cab just my thoughts. Maybe he has a drinking problem?

      Another woman may not be in the picture it could be a man or he is just trying to get some space from you.

      The increase of going out more would make me think another woman is involved but you should never accuse him of that if you have no solid facts. Just ask him…if he lies the truth will come out sooner or later…I just hope a STD won’t reveal it or worse HIV.

      Do you think things will change if you get married? News Flash it won’t…rather worse!

      The things he used to do are what men should do for their lady and all of a sudden he stops all that?

      No offense but I have to ask…Have you gained weight? Has your hygiene become poor?
      Something is pushing him away or someone is pulling him away. Turning you down when you ask for sex but then request you give him oral sex is demoralizing!

      Sounds like you have a control freak that has no respect for you at all. I can’t say that another woman is involved but it sure appears that way.

      Looks like you are only getting 20% and someone else is getting the 80%

  9. Thanks Patrice you have open my eyes I can only think the ring will be here doing the summer. I told him the same thing don’t lie and I can only say from this point I don’t think he has lied. Yes I have gain a few pound but it just made me thicker my butt has gotten bigger but my stomach is still flat and my legs are tone. Yes I agree I rather him call cause that shows so much respect texting makes me feel like I’m a side chick. I always call if it gets pass 2am and I’m still out. If he sleep I’ll leave a message. I told him we need to talk and I’m going to show him I’m not the only woman that feels about calling when your out that’s show how much RESPECT you have for that person. I will comment later I’m headed to meet him now for our talk thanks for your help.

    • Write down a few thoughts so you won’t forget to cover all your concerns.
      Be strong and remember to love yourself more.
      We sometimes get caught up in loving our partners more than we love ourselves…Never lose yourself in the process of falling in love or being in love…this goes for both men and women.
      You know how you feel when things don’t seem right don’t igonore those signs….You are supposed to be smiling and happy not worried and sad….

  10. Hello blogger Kendra told me about your blog and I love it. Wow I’m amazed because I saw your comments and I’m going thru the same thing as you. What made you say with your man? I figured its a new year so I decided to stay with my mines and we are getting closer. We are planning a wedding I haven’t gotten my ring but we are planing it. We just moved into our own place everything feels so right. I’m happy I stayed because there are a lot of crazy guys out. I had this one guy that tried to date me we exchange numbers and talked a few times and than I saw him kissing another man at a bar. My best friend left her man now she has the HIV virus that shit scared me. I must say if you have a man that respect you and treats you right make it work it’s scary out here.

    • Thank you Kendra for spreading the word about my blog!!!!

      I am done discussing my situation and will let you guys have an update if and when things change.

      I am still up in the air to be honest. Sorry to hear about your friend contracting HIV but staying in a relationship or marriage will not protect you from HIV/Aids condoms and abstinence will.

      You are right it’s scary out here but does that mean you have to settle and play house for several years?

      When I decide to get married; yes I said when I decide there will be no divorce ever!

      The same issues you have before marriage will be there and could get worse. There are men who don’t kiss other men in bars that will treat you well and marry you in less than 2 years!

      Your guy and my guy aren’t the only nice guys who aren’t infected with HIV.

      Thanks for reading my blog and most importantly commenting.

      I am happy for you…if things are working out go for it never mind what others say.

      My issue is deeper but to somewhat respect his privacy I chose to leave some things out.

    • Hello everyone I’m angel friend I’m the one living with the HIV virus. It took me awhile to get to this point and talk about my situation. Hello to you Patrice love your blog hope you don’t mind me expressing myself on here. On days like this I regret myself and get upset because I had it all a man that loved me he spoiled me on the level he could afford but I wanted more from him sexually. We went to counseling and they agreed we were good for each other and we could make it work. I was stubborn and numb. The numbness came from me giving up when the man I was with asked me to go to the doctor with him I refused:( my biggest mistake because it take two to make a relationship work and he was in and I wasn’t that’s from the mistake I made that could easily been corrected I started dating the guy and I fell in love and we started to have sex and that’s when I found out I was pregnant and that was the day I found out I had HIV I quickly called my ex and I cursed him out. He immediately got tested and found out it wasn’t him. I asked the man I was currently with he kicked me out left on the street as time passed I found out he was the one that gave me virus. It was too late for me ask him why he did this to me because he died from aids. I’ve been going to meeting and talking to little girls about HIV and couples about trying to make things work in there current relationship. I’m happy Kendra and James decided to make it work. Hats off to you blogger you give excellent advice and your blog rocks:)

      • Hello Quin…thank you so much for having the courage to discuss something so private.

        My heart goes out to you.
        You seem like a strong young lady.
        It’s a blessing to have you make others aware that HIV is alive and well.

        The disease that doesn’t discriminate.
        I hope that you are doing well in spite of.

        It warms my heart to know you think my blog rocks how cute is that?!

        Thank you and feel free to stop by anytime to comment or suggest a topic.

        I am happy for your friend too!

  11. Hey James I came across your questions you asked the blogger. I’m taken relationship therapy class. There is one product on the market that the FDA approved the only product that can prolong a man ejaculation. It’s call promescent. This product really works. There are millions of men out here that have this problem. This product can get expensive put the results are amazing and it can help. I would say try the trial size first and watch the magic happen. Hope this helps you out. Ladies if your man is having the same problem don’t belittle him help him he will last long in bed with this product. You can find this product on http://www.promescent.com or amazon.com blogger I attend UCLA and I talked about your blog in class you may start seeing a lot more views hope you don’t mind:)

  12. Stanford thanks a lot for all your help I tried the product and it does work. Thanks to you also blogger without you I wouldn’t have found the help I need. Ladies if you man needs something to prolong him in bed get promescent.

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