It’s Not Ok (In MY World)

“I” this has nothing to do with “YOU”…Please by all means do YOU.

In my world, having personally experienced this…it is not ok to stay in a relationship with a man for several years and not be married.
In this day and time marriage is a big fat joke! So maybe that’s why the divorce rate is so high who knows? I would hope that the man I marry will respect the vows and be a God-Fearing man.

Tables Turned: Let’s say that Patrice is the man what would she do? Well, if I knew I had no intentions on marrying a female she would know giving her a “choice’. I would never shack up with her and we would have separate living arrangements until I put a ring on her finger and a wedding date is set.
I believe that two people really don’t get to know each other unless they live together but why bother if you don’t plan on getting married? Just get a roommate and split the rent/mortgage.

As a woman, I am upfront and frank and would hope being a man would not make a difference.
If you are totally fine with shacking up with NO plans of marriage than go for it…I am not fine with the idea and will never ever do it again UNLESS there is a future.
If I am not good enough to be your wife you cannot get into my cookie jar. Don’t make promises or keep telling me that “one day you will be wife” then 10 years have gone by and we still aren’t married
Might as well date who we want then my chances of finding my future husband is more realistic if he wants to play the waiting game. Two years and you are through…that is it and that is all.

DISCLAIMER
***Remember to search your own soul for specific answers***
I give advice based on my personal experiences…
I sincerely thank everyone for reading my blog and sharing your views on life.
All of my posts are personal lessons I’ve learned through my “personal” walk and life experiences.
The purpose of my blog is to encourage others and in no way will I ever directly tell anyone to do anything because the decision is yours and yours alone.
I advise this does not mean you make a decision based solely on what is communicated to you via my blog. My responses are based on “What I would do” if I were you; based on my personal experiences.
In the end, the decision is totally yours and something you will have to live with not me. If someone told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you? If so, stop reading my blog. Thank you!

Straight from my Heart, Patrice

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “It’s Not Ok (In MY World)

  1. Hello Patrice how are you. I want to say I’m proud of you and TW for raising a boy to a man. That’s not a easy job but you both did it. Now I have a few questions you lived with this man for five years. I see in your comments you said he paying on a ring for you. That’s a positive that goes to show he does want to be your husband. If he had no intentions on being your husband he would not waste his money. I respect the break and I understand the lies and the hurt but that situation can be fix. You said some great things about him why give all that up? Clearly that relationship have change some lives and how another woman will be spoiled because he spoiled you and the world knows that. This is the deal breaker does he come from a good family? How does his family treat you. I will say this my husband mother can’t stand me I figured once we got married she would change but u was wrong about that 😦 we just love you too Patrice the love you both share is genuine.

    • Hello Tara,
      We didn’t raise a child there was a gentleman on my FB page that mentioned that sharing my realationship showed him how to treat a woman.
      Yes, I lived with him for 5 years. 2014 would have made 6 years. He started paying on a ring July 2013 because he knew I was leaving him based on my actions.
      It’s not about wasting his money it’s about him knowing I was fed up…so he felt that his only choice was to finally “attempt” to get me a ring.
      A situation can only be fixed if BOTH parties are willing to fix it. It takes TWO. So, yes, you are correct.
      Thank you for respecting my decision to break for one year…I waited almost 6 years can’t I have a year to decide if this is what I really want?
      He has an excellent family. He has TONS of baby mama drama that would stress a cat out.
      Thank you for reading my blog and most of all responding to my post ❤

  2. Thanks for taken time to respond back to me. That’s great he learn from your face book that huge did you ever imagine that would happen? I believe he got that ring because he loves you and he wants you to be his wife. If he got the ring a month or two before you left than I would agree but it seems like he’s had this plan out being the fact that his family member mention September 20,2014 as a wedding date. He was setting up his next move to be his best move. Thats a good thing has a excellent family I’m pretty sure they love you just as much as he does. Baby mama drama is only there because the child mother is jealous of you. I bet they pray and hope for this day to come. I know he wants to work it out and when you decide to come back he will be there with open arms. Quick question how can I get my husband mother to like me share your secret with me.

    • No secret we just hit it off because she saw my heart. His mother is secure. pretty and smart. She wants the best for her son and saw good things in me. She’s real and had no personal hangups about women.
      Yes, they are jealous VERY!
      One Stalks my page and emails my links to his family from my page.
      She finds pleasure in his pain.

      • His mom is really great. I can tell by your comments she loves you and you love her. She is really jealous of you send out links to his family. My husband baby mama is the same I tried to be nice add her as a friend to my Facebook and she tried to use that to break us up. What crazy they don’t want them but the fact she can’t get a rise out of you that gets to her. She hates the fact your prettier smarter and that you and him have made a lot of progress. She wants that in life but he made progress in life faster than her and that’s getting to her. Remember your not marrying her your marrying him and into that excellent family. As time pass all the drama will fade away.

      • Same IP address same message different names…hmmmm? Come on guys keep it real..don’t play games on my blog…stop pretending to be someone you aren’t.

      • His mom is really great. I can tell by your comments she loves you and you love her. She is really jealous of you send out links to his family. My husband baby mama is the same I tried to be nice add her as a friend to my Facebook and she tried to use that to break us up. What crazy they don’t want them but the fact she can’t get a rise out of you that gets to her. She hates the fact your prettier smarter and that you and him have made a lot of progress. She wants that in life but he made progress in life faster than her and that’s getting to her. Remember your not marrying her your marrying him and into that excellent family. As time pass all the drama will fade away.

  3. Hello Patrice how are you. Why would you say this man got you a ring at the last minute it seems to me he had this plan out his family even had a date in mind. We all make mistakes and we all become unhappy. Sometimes we think it’s best to leave and get away for awhile. I don’t know your full story but I will say this you may not see what we see but there is something there I’m a 46 year old woman and when we get set in our ways there is not turn back until reality sets in. I can tell your a strong black woman and when our mind is set we don’t see or hear anything else. We pray ask god for a sign and when we think he’s given or showed us a sign we run with it. Five year that’s perfect you know this man and he knows you why not make it work? I know how you feel I can comments exactly on your feeling I been there all I’m going to say if try
    Before you close the door. I know you tried but not hard enough

    • Hello,

      I am doing well thank you for asking. Hope you are well too. Please don’t take offense towards my response :)…I am very direct and mean no harm.

      Tosha, I am not sure how else I can communicate to everyone clearly enough that anything over 5 years is “last minute”. No pun intended….What part don’t you understand? Everything was done in haste.
      He’s not stupid he knew I was leaving. 2014 made it 6 years and just because he started to pay on a ring within a period of 6 months make everything cool…not in my world.

      6 months verses 6 years is a huge gap not much math involved to figure that out. Why state the obvious? We all are aware that we all make mistakes that is a given.

      At 46 you should know better than to tell me to settle for less considering how close we are in age. I am not set in my ways; I just know what I want. Sure people can make mistakes but not when it comes to my LIFE.
      I am far from closed minded and take in consideration everything that is communicated to me both verbally and non-verbally. The difference is I make my own decisions because I have to live with my choices nobody else but me.
      Five years is perfect for a desperate woman who thinks she can’t do any better. What is there to make work when you gave someone almost 6 years of your life you can’t get back? You can’t be serious….
      You have no idea how I feel trust me on that. You are not capable of feeling what’s in my heart and spirit we are clearly different.

      I tried hard enough and if 6 years does not prove that then so be it. I have one life to live and not to waste on someone trying to decide on what they want to do with me.

      • I’m not upset at all and I respect your comment. I really don’t agree six months was last minutes and due to the fact his family had a date he set. Your right I don’t know how you feel. But how are your settling for less when you been with this man for six years? Thats call settling with the man you love and the one that cherish your world. That’s call in love. I saw your comment about taken a break I’m assuming you are trying to decided if you want to marry him. You have five years with that man so how are you settling for less. Are your trying to say he not on your level? I’m just telling you there is a lot of history there why give it up. If you was married for five I would tell you the same. Why give up on the love you too shared? I pretty sure whatever the problem you have it can be fixed.

      • Good morning Patrice how are you. I’m looking at your whole situation from your point of view and I will say you make some great points but I have a few questions. You asked to tosha why would she want you to settle for something less. Are you trying to say he’s not the man for you? Did it take you five years to see that. He must have been doing something right. Last minute is not six months last minute would be I’m leaving you in two weeks because we didn’t get married but a week later you have a ring. If that’s what happen you have every right to be upset and leave him. But you tell people your on a break. So are you telling select men your on a break? He can’t be that bad of a man if you tell him you want a break. I know relationship gets hard and we think the best way and easiest way out to leave. But what happen to fixing our problems? What happen to I’m with this man or woman for five years it’s had it’s up and downs but I’m going to do everything in my pier to make this work because he wants me to be his wife. If this man had to ask you six months ago let’s go get married right now what would you have said? One comment you said how good of a man he is but now you settling for less?

      • Phil,

        There is a MAJOR disconnection when it comes to the fact that you amongst other people do not value your time wasted by others that subtracts from MY life.

        Thanks for acknowledging that I made some good points although you may not agree with them all. I actually, knew from the beginning that we would not mesh well even told him that. But he insisted that we give it a try.

        Any woman that allows a man to waste years of her life playing house in my opinion is settling for less. As women, I have noticed that it seems to be the norm to shack up and that is supposed to be totally cool. I don’t get that part and never will.

        Phil you have the good and you have the bad…of course you know this. But when the good starts to outweigh the bad it’s time to reevaluate things.

        Your last minute and everyone else’s is different from mine. I am not sure how to get you all to understand that my standards are not unrealistic although they may not coincide with yours or Tosha’s.

        Again,
        There is a MAJOR disconnection when it comes to the fact that you amongst other people do not value your time wasted by others that subtracts from MY life.

        If he’s not so bad why don’t you date him? Don’t twist my words…yes he is a great man I will never say anything bad about him. But that does not mean he is the man for me.
        Yes, I would be crazy to leave all the “GOOD” things about him but as I said before when the good outweighs the bad it’s a no brainer.

        I was confused and torn and wanted to stay but naturally things came up that were telling me it’s time to separate. I was stressed out beyond belief. Those things that you all aren’t aware of CAN’T be fixed and this is not me being irrational.

        Sometimes people make poor decisions as I have in my past that haunts your future. What you did yesterday will affect today.
        What would I have said? He asked me and I said “No”.

      • Good morning Patrice how are you? How am I telling you to settle for less in your comment you said how good of a man he was and gave some excellent examples and your would be crazy to leave him. You even said he spoiled you and what man will put up with you sense he has spoiled you. With all that being said if anything I’m telling you to settle down with a good man that has some issues but those issues can be fixed just like you said he’s 80/20 why give that up? I can understand you want a break we all need breaks in a relationship and sometimes in a marriage so that fine my point is work on the problems you have with him and if there is no change or progress in his life or he doesn’t want to change than I would say go. Him getting you a ring six months before you leave isn’t last minute he was preparing for you and his future cause someone even mention a wedding date. He’s been talking and putting his plan in effect before you knew about it. When did you find out he had been paying on the ring? I’m being a lil nosey now is it a nice ring 🙂 that will tell you if it’s last minute or not also.

      • Hello Tosha,

        Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate your input.

        Yes, he is a good man but that does not mean he is the man for me. I was torn between staying or leaving and it’s totally normal to be confused and indecisive after being with a man for so many years.

        I tried to convince myself that all the other stuff could be worked out. But of course when it rains it pours. Besides that, any woman that plays for house for several years and isn’t married is settling for less…this is my opinion. It is NOT ok in my world. It took me to experience it first hand to come to my conclusion.

        Self-esteem issues and believing you can’t do any better; will allow you to stay with a man for SEVERAL years. My opinion…do whatever you want but I will never do it again.

        I never said he was 80/20 that was a general post read it again. The six month ring thing…this is my response:
        There is a MAJOR disconnection when it comes to the fact that you amongst other people do not value your time wasted by others that subtracts from MY life.

        I don’t have the ring.

  4. Patrice I used to be on your facebook until I closed my account. I rememeber you tell us how he helped you get back on track and help you realized that we alot to be thankful for. How at times you would would be the worst person ever but he still loved you and encourage and told you dont stress your going to pass your classes. How you and him attend church togheter those are qualities of a real man. As a man when you were stressed he was 20times stressed because he cared you and his stress and as a man I bet he put his stress to the side and focus on relieving your stress. that something you never realized i bet. we men take alot but dont show it because when we love a woman they come first in our lives.

  5. Hello blogger how are you? Larry I understand you want to date Patrice that could be a good thing and bad thing. First off she already admitted to be spoiled by her last man that she is on a break from. Her being spoil can hurt you even thro she works two jobs this man still spoiled her in ways thats she loved and will want to be continued to be spoil. I ve dated a few women in my past that claim they needed a break but to be honest a break is just a way for her to see a man she has her eye on or a man she met and wants to see if she can make it work in the mean time she got her ex as back up plan B because she know he loves her and whenever she wants him back she can have him thats why she told him she want a break. How you on a break but dating and having sex with another person when you got a good man that cherish everything about you call you perfect but you on a break these females crack me up. Larry pay close attention to her comments that will reveal alot about her. When I took a break from my past relationships guess what those women was the first to screw around. I’m a good man just like her man and we always finish last because we spoil dont cheat and give them the world than they want a break because they think or feel there is somebody else out in the world for them. Think if you was married than you wondering what it would be like to be married to someone else thats just all wrong and disrespectful no matter how you look at it. Dude lied to her and guess what she turn around and started lying to him instead of helping him she made it worse. When your with someone that you love your suppouse to help them. Larry think about this he paid on a ring six months and even told friends and family about a wedding date but thats last minute to her. What happen to the man surprising a woman with a engagement ring? Larry to be honest she is still in love with him but she is playing hard ball until some other guy comes along and gets attention if that hasnt happen.

    • Hello Luther,

      Thank you for responding and takng time out to read my blog.

      I am not thinking about whoever Larry is…I find it disgusting for him to come on my blog and post that nonsense.

      Luther,
      The only thing you can do is draw conclusions based on what I shared. Your response is amusing!

      You are not a gynecologist so stay out of my vagina business. I am not worried about sex that is the least of my concerns.

  6. Are saying if the good starts to outweigh the bad its time to reevaluate thing. If thats the case why leave the good? If you feel so strongly about he’s not the one for you than why are you taken a break? Don’t you think it would be best to just tell him its over with. Why play with a man feelings because you would not want him to do the same to you. Lets be honest here I’m 46 and your 43 why toy with man heart unless you feel there is a chance you and him can reunit as a couple again. As humans male or female we don’t like to be played around with and this man was your lover for five years and wants to marry you but your telling your blogger friends its over but tell him a him you want a break which one is it

    • Tosha believe what you want. My feelings were toyed with for 6 years. I don’t recall what I wrote earlier but I meant to write the bad outweighed the good.

      The great thing about life especially when it’s yours you don’t have to answer to anyone and can do what you want….including taking a break. I don’t have to explain my reasoning to anyone but him.

      He’s either on board or not either way is fine with me. You sound like a woman that would put a man before your own happiness….I am not that type of woman.

      He reads my blog and as for now it is over once I walked out the door…that is common sense if you think about it.

      However; if we decided to revisit things later that’s OUR choice. It’s whatever the both of us agreed upon. If it is confusing to most what matters is we both understand the deal.

      If he decides that he does not to explore a future with me then I will respect that.

  7. Luther I have to hand it to you fam you kept it 100%. If anyone know this TW dude he needs to read her comments cause clearly this break she asked him for was just a lie so she can move out and do her. There is no such thing as a break in a relationship. Come on why take a break if your going to be dating and sexing another man. We all know once you do that those feeling Patrice have for him will be old news. Tosha your right she should came straight how and told him it’s over. I will share this I was with a woman for three years I gave her my heart and soul. She turn around and wanted a break and guess what she ended up with another dude that hurt me so bad that I vowed to never let a woman get that close to me again. I have this wall up that I will never let down. I’ve been on dates models actress women from all walks of life and each one tries to get close and I want let them. The reason is I never want to feel that pain again. She walked out on me when I was 34 years old two months later I became a mulitmillionaire and now I’m 44 years old and still can’t get over the hurt and heart ach. In my heart and soul there is no such thing as a break. I have a old soul if you love the man like you claim you do Patrice you will do everything in your power to make it work. There are so many resources that you both could benefit as a couple that would help you both grow in a relationship. Patrice just because we suggest you stay you don’t have to get up set. I will tell you this I read a lot of your comments I will tell you this karma is real. You may think or feel your being 100% but your not. I can copy and paste a lot of your comments from different post and you will see how your going back and forth on your decision. Whoever gave you this advice just told you want you wanted to hear. I going to say 80% of us as strangers told you to stay how can we be wrong? We might see or have witness what your going thru first hand and we just trying to stop you from making those same mistakes. Patrice if there problems in your relationship if it’s more than one it could be his fault but as a couple you played your part also Instead fixing the problem as a couple.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s