Once you accept that pain and disappointment has to be a part of your life you have built a foundation that will not allow you to be happy ever.
There is nothing wrong with having expectations but you must realize that most of the time people won’t live up to those unrealistic expectations that you feel are totally achievable and fair.
What it actually is, we want that person to be like “us” to do things the way we would like them to be done and that is wrong! It’s no better than forcing your religious beliefs on people. You must allow others to be who they are and adjusting to you will take time. You can only hope that the person you are with is open and can observe tension when it occurs in the relationship.
Pain associated with life is inevitable but it’s how you recover from that pain you will come out stronger or more broken.
Have you ever seen someone smiling during an argument or burst out into laughter during conflict? In your opinion you may perceive them as being crazy but realistically they saw the confrontation coming and have been down the road many times before. We have experienced the same stressors many times but tend to react negatively instead of learning from the other encounters and expecting a different outcome.
Stress kills and there is no way around the chemical effects that occur within your body however you can subside those detrimental effects by keeping stressors to a minimum. Your outlook and how you deal with any stressful situation will determine a positive or negative outcome internally and externally.
Straight from The Heart, Patrice (Patty Cakes!)
No matter how much you smile or how much you love there will always be someone who will not accept you.
When you base your life on the acceptance of others just for the sake of fitting in you set yourself up for failure emotionally. There are some sick unhappy people who will pick you apart and try to find everything negative about you they can…stay away from those types!
We all have some bad in us but our goal should be to have the good outweigh the bad.
We can all learn patience and how to be gracefully insulted while we seek understanding when communicating with someone who may offend us. We don’t have to accept anyone into our circle but you should respect who they are and not speak foully about them which by the way makes you far worse.
There are many people who morph into someone they are not just so they can simply “fit in” losing their true selves. If you are outspoken and rough around the edges that is who you are and if people can’t embrace your realness that is something they have to deal with.
You will never know a person’s journey and what shaped them into who they are today so before you reject someone try to accept them for who they are most importantly understand that you are not perfect as well.
It takes all kinds of personalities to make the world a more exciting place to live!
When it’s all said and done…I would rather be rejected for being me than accepted for pretending to be someone I am not.
It seems easier said than done but you must not let the mishaps of life keep you down.
It is normal to feel a certain kind of way when someone does something to you the first time that you have no control over. But when you keep allowing people to keep doing the same things to you that hurt or makes you angry you can’t blame anyone but yourself.
People will do only what you “continue” to allow them to do. People “show” you how they really feel about you although their words say the exact opposite. Pay attention to actions more than the lies they tell you to keep you on a string.
Some folks really believe that they want to be with you because they speak it but they don’t show it. Don’t waste your life with someone that disrespects you when there is someone out there that will love you like you deserve to be loved. It is far better to be alone (single) than with a person that hurts you and breaks your heart everyday.
When we have concerns about things in life that seem to follow us everywhere we go that is a sign that you must start to look within.
We always want to point fingers and pass the blame on “external” factors never focusing on the “internal”factors that are the result of an unhappy lonely life.
Regardless of what you may believe; you do not know everything or all the answers to life itself.
You must be open and receptive to learn and understand more than one side of any situation. While having a discussion with someone and you constantly hear yourself saying “Well, no it’s not just that” “No, you don’t understand what I am saying” you are showing the other person that you have all the answers so why bother speaking to them?
You are also saying that they are not capable of comprehending what you told them which is an outright insult. You want other’s input but when you are given it you reject it.
Learn to listen more even when a person makes no sense to you at all…If you listen long enough you will begin to “understand” even when you do not “accept” what they are communicating to you.
Never reject what is being communicated to you without at the very least processing what you are hearing. The person you think is less intelligent than you are can teach you few things as well.
A woman that works in my bank started to tell me her life story starting from when she lost her husband. I was in a hurry to get back to work and she kept asking me how much time did I have and I responded telling her not much since my stomach is growling.
I complimented her jewelry that was 22K and she showed me her ring that had her husband’s name on it. Somehow she began to tell me how he passed away and about her two adult girls.
Tears started to form in her eyes and I knew at that point she needed someone to just “listen”. I asked God quietly “Why are you using me?” It was obvious she was having “one of those days”. It took everything in me to not cry.
She was a very nice lady whose heart was broken when her husband passed away leaving her with the two children to rear alone. She also shared with me how her husband’s death devastated her two girls.
It’s been 10 years and the pain is still fresh. My heart went out to her…I told her that she was doing an awesome job with her kids who are now in GW one studying to be a doctor the other a Lawyer.
I allowed her to speak freely and my hunger disappeared since she was now my priority.
Once she finished she thanked me for listening and I thanked her for sharing her sad but beautiful story.
She opened her arms and we gave each other the biggest hug while I whipered in her ear “He is with you in spirit.
We were strangers who were brought together for a purpose.
If you have no desire to get married this does not apply to you:
When you have a mortgage and miss a few payments your house goes into foreclosure.
When you miss a few car notes they repossess the car.
When you have a boyfriend that refuses to marry you after several years “You leave”
The banks will not give you years to decide to pay why should you give someone years of your life to decide if you are good enough to be their wife.
You can only test drive a car for so long…IJS!
Most of us are not the best communicators when it comes to relationships but we can learn how to improve. The only issue with that is if the other person is not receptive to what you are trying to express to them. They either shrug you off; or start a petty argument for no reason which is a red flag.
Patience and understanding is the key to many of our woes in life. You have to be willing to be receptive to how others feel. Learn to listen with empathy and acceptance when a person tells you how they feel.
It’s beautiful when someone cares enough about you to let you know that you hurt them or you made them feel unappreciated. Sometimes we don’t realize how callous we can be towards someone who truly cares about us. Learn to be gentle and handle a person’s heart with care.
Every time you push someone away it causes a void that will never be filled with the fear of them feeling that pain again so they slowly distance themselves from you until they are numb.
One day you will wake up and they won’t care anymore.
Straight from The Heart, Patrice