My Thoughts

When my mind seemed to never want to rest and sleep was a distant pleasure. I constantly prayed to God for sleep until I finally entered into what I call a limbo of deep rest. Some nights I slept very well but those nights were rare and cherished.

I have so many thoughts running through my head that it can be overwhelming. Chemo kills cancer and it was slowly killing me too. My life was as if I was at a crap game rolling the dice every time I had chemo hoping for a lucky 7. Through all this, I never had disdain for God but grew closer to him.

My journey has begun to finally start working towards my Master’s in Mangement Specialization Project Management. It has taken exactly seven long years to stop making excuses. Cancer indeed was a dreadful excuse to not pursue my degree with chemo and all the other hurdles that come with it. All of my pathetic excuses were all used up and cancer was not going to be a reason for me to not pursue my Master’s.

There were times I wanted to quit and it was just the first semester! Well, classes start again in February and I passed with a “B” by the grace of God and my faith. I was relentless and would not give up even when the voice of defeat whispered: “this is not a good time, you are fighting cancer right now”. The funny thing about timing in my life, there is never a good time and I must execute. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer my life was turned upside down. Death seemed to be knocking at my front door and I felt the ice cold breeze that pierced my soul. But I decided to fight and when I felt weak I prayed. I am fighting the good fight for the rest of my life and living life making no excuses.

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Cancer Free- Yes that’s me!

To God be the glory! I am now cancer free and still amazed at how far I have come.

I am now in the reconstructive phase after having a bilateral mastectomy. New boobs in the making and it was not for vanity. Cancer robbed me of so many things and my femininity is one. The things like my nails, toes, hair and especially my breast!

I have been thinking of two people that were in my life that I took for granted like Nicole and Will and I miss them so much. I wonder if they are reading my blog and curse them for not reaching out to me! If you are reading my blog please know that I love you both and friends fight but that does not mean you give up. Nicole promised that we would never stop being friends no matter what. But who keeps promises anyway these days?

Cancer makes you see life so differently and I appreciate things so much more now. I had triple negative breast cancer and this type is VERY aggressive. The only way I overcame this is by having a positive attitude, prayer, faith and truly believing that this was not the end. Now more than ever I want to give back to those who are now fighting cancer. I am not exactly sure how to go about this yet. One thing for sure financial support is needed as well as emotional support in a major way. It is so easy to fall into deep depression and give up when you feel like you are alone. The strange part about it all is no matter if you have 100 people in your corner you are the only one that has to fight the battle.

My Dad told me that he too is going through this all with me whether I believe it or not. That meant so much to me. He told me that he feels my pain and I believe that. I am truly grateful and thank God every single day! Life is so beautiful if you take the time out to focus on the good and the things you have control over. Do not waste your time on the things in life you have no control over give it to God! I don’t have to know you personally care about you. Remember that we need more love in this world. If you can not support a person financially support them emotionally. When I hear that someone has to go through chemo my heart cries for them. Please take care of yourself and get your cancer screening done annually because your life depends on it.

My biggest fear is that cancer will return and that thought has to be buried and never dug back up! Reality is not always yours…For now, I will celebrate life and being a “new normal” since I will never be the same. The change is good and has made me stronger in so many ways. If God was trying to get my attention he sure did the job.

Breast Cancer- Changed Me

Cancer is no joke! I cannot tell you enough how important it is to have your yearly cancer screening.

My diagnosis for Triple Negative Breast Cancer was on June 4, 2018. I discovered the tumor while in the shower and ignored it for a few months which could have ended my life. I am always too busy to take care of myself but that will never happen again. Stage 2 wasn’t pretty at all. Chemo was the devil and it was unbearable. There were times I questioned God. I cried many nights and had a few breakdowns. But I never stayed there long.  Being human allows you to cry and experience emotions.

The twist is that God used my boss to push me to finally get my mammogram that was well overdue. After my biopsy, it seemed as if everything started to move fast then slow down to a miserable slow pace. On November 29th I had a surgery and the pathology report came back showing no live cancer cells. I am now cancer free praying it stays this way forever. I had faith that really got me to this point. My journey isn’t over and I plan to do something that will help others with cancer. My experience revealed the level of support needed in order to win the battle with cancer that so many do not have.

I love life so much more and see things differently for the best. My hopes are to make a difference in someone’s life that is fighting cancer and to save lives by advocating early detection. I thank God every day for giving me another shot at life.