No Love Lost

No, really! I am over it all…

One thing for certain beating breast cancer has taught me is that you find out who truly loves you during the lowest point of your life. I was screaming for love on the inside wanting to be held and told that everything would be fine even if we were not certain. Hope and faith alone would have made me believe it. I have never felt so unattractive and unwanted in my entire life!

I lost my hair, nails, complexion that made me resemble the walking dead…no joke!

I am now 50 and the only true love experienced is from my beautiful girls and my nephews who love me unconditionally. However, this is not romantic love that I have desired for so long. What I have learned in the worse possible way is to never ever settle, believe what people show you and not what the tell you. Love yourself enough to walk away from pain and never be afraid of being alone. I am thinking about getting a puppy to cuddle with because the pillow isn’t doing it for me. When I see couples holding hands, laughing, not afraid of PDA, holding each other close, gazing into her eyes makes me long for that too! I want it to be real and not have this with someone that has been forced down my throat just to say I have a man.

I have always had an issue with looking for the good in people when there was more bad present. Choosing to sweep the lies and deceit under the rug has only caused me a great deal of pain and disappointment. Lowering my standards, accepting all their flaws and ignoring the truth with hopes that maybe being over critical was my issue and not theirs. I always wanted to experience a love that was unbreakable filled with sexual gratification and mental stimulation. The kind of love that is built on truth, friendship and loyalty. Having the ability to debate and to disagree to agree. Never ignoring the elephant in the room, taking on issues head on and resolving them with finding common ground. Respecting each other enough to never lie and hurt our love. Never making promises that we can’t keep that is just a damaging as telling a bold face lie with straight a face.

Everything must happen organically and we both must want the same kind of love or it will never work. I pray everyday for a love that will ask me to marry him while he’s on one knee with a ring that does not have to be fancy at all. He would NEVER get enough of me and I would want to inhale him every time I saw him.

5 thoughts on “No Love Lost

  1. You know you are such a beautiful lady, that any man should be bless and grateful for having, not many come like you. You been thru so much and you still stand strong, most can learn from you. I always said the most beautiful thing about you was your heart, the inside of you, yes your gorgeous outside, but you’re like god-sent inside. To know how you loss your hair, nails, income and most of all no one there to support you that was suppose to love you make’s me sick. You deserve better, but thru out all of this, You still stay close to GOD and one day you will be bless with someone that will give you all that you want. Stay Beautiful Patrice, and if you want a puppy to cuddle, let me know and I will help you with that. If I had met you years ago, you would be all mines, because I have never met anyone that I like as much inside and outside as you. You remind me of someone that should have talk show, because your special. Enjoy yourself tonight, I really wanted to take you and then take you to dinner after. But I am asking for a raincheck on that one. I enjoy you as a friend and cherish the time I have spent with you. Don’t know where your future lies, but hopefully, me and you
    will always be friends. Were very similar in one way, that is were both very good people and by being such good people, the hardest
    thing is leaving a relationship, because you planned to be in it with your chosen one forever, and what happens alot, is by the time you figure it out that it is not going to work, a good person usually gets pass by that might be for you in that timeframe. Life
    can be tough sometimes.




  2. Patricia

    I was following you on tictok loving your spirit then noticed a business card on one of your recordings. I then decided to do the IT thing which I am and discovered your writing. Thank you for sharing even though I invited myself. The writing shows a strong loving lady who’s also a fighter and very pretty. I’m sending you 50 hugs for the 50 years you have lived and and 1 saying hello from me…Anthony Goodwin. Stay strong and know you have a fan.

    Liked by 1 person

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