A person can love you with all their heart and soul but when you begin to cease doing what you did to get them you are brewing a nasty stew.

When you are told several times that you have situations to fix in your relationship you better try or end it. A person that is willing and loves you will say,  “Hey, XYZ is not working and we need to make changes that show that they are in it to win it. Then proceeds to say, “What can I do to help make this work?” Now that is a keeper!

Otherwise, they would say nothing. But the twist to that is after a while they will grow tired and stop trying.  Please don’t act surprised when you see the change in them based on your lack of willingness to fix XYZ. I’ve learned that change can be sudden or implemented slowly-depending on the individual’s sense of urgency to eradicate the “situation”.

Life is too short to keep stringing a person along when you have no intention of improving the situation. When you are told a million times that there are situations that need to be addressed that are causing strain on the future of your relationship if you care you will do whatever it takes to improve. The banger is when the person that brought the situation to your attention tries to make things better through “actions” not false promises and in return you are unresponsive.

This is when the “situation” begins to escalate into a pot of burned stew permeating the house with a dreadful smell.  But the love this person has for you is strong and they are willing to keep trying in spite of. WOW! Even Jesus Christ sees their efforts.

When asked what do you think the”situation” is, the worse thing you can say is “I don’t know.” Even Stevie Wonder can see what the situation is.  How can we fix it “I don’ t know”…Well, it sounds like you don’t know much of anything and basically doesn’t really give a flake. An action is a resolution to any situation whether you chose to stay or actually take actions to make things work.

You can bump your gums all day long but if you are not moving toward communicating and making that situation better you are in for a life of unhappiness. Rejection hurts when it’s a person that you believe loves you.

Please give your feedback…It would be great to know your perspective.

Love,

Patty Cakes!

Never prepared for this…

When I was diagnosed with Triple Stage Breast Cancer…My first thought was that I was going to die. This was before the staging not knowing how, why, when and what did I do to have this awful vicious complicated disease? Answers that would never be answered since my genetic testing came back with no mutated genes. Although cancer is on both sides of my family my parents passed on all good genes to me.

The findings were based on environmental factors not really knowing why or how I developed the most aggressive form of breast cancer. Now, I never really had the best of luck but now this! Whoa…I am healthy as an ox- but maybe this is a test…maybe God is using me to spread awareness. OK! I can do that…but to travel on this journey is not what I expected nor wanted. The positive side to it all- this journey will allow me to relate and communicate how imperative early detection or taking preventative measures to stop cancer in its tracks is! One thing I learned in my case is that stress and lack of Vitamin D helped open the door for cancer.

I lashed out at everyone close to me and this was not in my character. I wanted those that I believed loved me to care when they really never did. You really find out who is there for you in your darkest hours. Sadly some people will celebrate your demise because they are that evil. I will pray for them.

I have since come to grips after being diagnosed on June 4^th, 2018 with State 2, Triple Stage breast cancer. Still, in disbelief, this has been a rough journey. But I must say the support received has been remarkable. I am so happy to have a fighting chance. My view on life has elevated to another level of thankfulness.

Every day is a blessing and reminds me that tomorrow is never promised.

I can only thank God that my husband stuck by me while my mood swings were in an uproar. My imagination began to run wild. As a result of chemotherapy all of my hair fell out and I begin to not feel pretty anymore. Hubby tells me I am beautiful and I believe him 🙂

The side effects of chemo are horrific…I can only plead with everyone that reads this post to make sure that you have your cancer screening yearly. We are so busy with LIFE that we neglect our health.

Ask for genetic testing to determine if you are at risk of developing cancer. Early detection is critical! My treatment is going well and I Praise God every single day for showing me mercy. I am so much stronger than I ever could have imagined.

Love,

Patty Cakes

In order to survive…

I will not allow myself to stay in a negative state of mind for long.

I allow myself to be human and feel those defeating emotions occasionally.

I’ve found that maintaining a positive outlook on “life” allows me to be happy. No matter the situation…my question is “what can I learn from this today?”

Being proactive rather than reactive-thinking before making decisions that can be life altering.

Living life with no regrets and accepting the choices that I’ve made whether good or bad.

Never allowing anyone to control my thoughts nor make decisions on my behalf.

Seeking acceptance from others would have crushed my spirits therefore I’ve learned to embrace myself.

Accepting those in my life that adore, respect and love me.

Most importantly- loving myself unconditionally and always seeking to improve.

What exactly is cheating? Sometimes things spell out CHEATER but they really aren’t. This applies to both sexes…I do not side with a particular sex. There are plenty of women who are just as worse as men…so this is always an equal playing ground. We all want privacy when it comes to our devices but you can lose that once you start cheating. If you are up to no good telling your babes your passcode is like slitting your wrist…that will never happen. A good healthy relationship has no secrets ever!

So they cheated or you believe they are cheating now what? While dating for long periods of time people tend to get relaxed. First thing is never ever have unprotected sex again with the cheater or suspected cheater…Get Tested…When you are married it is natural to not use protection but now it is time to change the game if you are having sex at all. Cheaters usually get enough sex from others so that leaves poor little you in a sexless relationship.

You may have already had an idea that they were being a creep all along but never had hard evidence. You bragged about them to your friends and family only to find out they are TRASH. If you are just dating that’s an easy fix…when you are married its’ a bit more complicated. Either way it’s basically time to move the hell on! Lies, Lies and more Lies…smh

Once a cheater always a cheater in MOST cases. You wised up at one point before the truth was revealed…The worst case is when they begged you to come back when you already knew deep down in your heart they were a pile of dookie with flies on it. But somehow you convinced yourself that everyone deserves another chance since we are imperfect beings, right? That is BS…and has nothing to do with being perfect…it’s about doing the right thing and knowing right from wrong.

Why not establish the rules in the beginning rather than be a nasty snake. I would rather someone tell me that they are seeing other people which means I can too!

Don’t enjoy your life f%cking around and having a blast with new people while you leave your devoted and loyal partner at home. NO fair! Ok, do you play the game of get back or leave? Well, that all depends on how much time you have on our hands and a matter of choice. Do you and do not concern yourself about what others think.

Now that you have evidence what do you do with it? What exactly is evidence?

Please leave comments with your thoughts on how to recognize a cheater.

• New friends that text “hey baby”
• Several new phone numbers from random folks of the opposite sex
• Disappearing acts
• Conveniently leaves phone in car when you face time
• When in your company never leaves phone out of their sight but tends to when you call
• Phone always on silent and hidden
• You can’t touch their phone without them breaking into a sweat
• Two cell phones that serve no business purpose but for ho biz
• Refuses to tell the truth you have to pull it out of them
• Names, addresses and phone numbers of the opposite sex not business related
• Very private
• Always has an explanation for odd behavior
• Hardly says two words to you
• Notice they are intrigued with the same sex all of a sudden
• Shows no interest in your life when they did in the beginning
• Provocative pictures of the opposite sex saved on phone
• Operation clean sweep of text messages and emails
• Sex life is practically DEAD (not always the case but a clear indicator in most cases   minus any medical conditions)
• Lustful thoughts
• Late night text messages from the opposite sex
• Finds time to hang out with friends but not you
• Invites you out when they know you just worked 12-13 hours walking through the door knowing you will say no
• There are plenty please feel free to add your thoughts

With that said, it is so much easier for folks to be real. Cheating is when the other person has no clue what is going on with their partner. If they are aware that you are involved with others on any level tell them! It’s when you are being deceptive and they find out on their own establishes cheating.

“Hey honey, I am going out with a male friend to have a few drinks” LOL
Deal with it at least I am telling you the truth. There is always “everything isn’t always as it seems”. I would like for everyone to keep an open mind before going off the deep end accusing babes of cheating. But we also have to be realistic and not sweep the obvious under the rug. It would be great if you could ask them “Are you cheating?” and they flat out tell you “hell yes I am and this is why.”  It may sting but welcome the feedback and see if you can fix the issue. Possibly remove the nasty person they are cheating with by communication and working though what led your babes to cheat. It’s never an accident that sh*t is planned whether admitted or not.  You don’t contently withhold that you are married or involved with someone who love you!!! That should be shared straight out the cheating gate. Give folks a choice but majority will still go along with the act of cheating. They don’t know you but they should care how it would hurt you.

When tables turn as they always do…and they feel the pain they put you through.  Would that change them?

Having unrealistic expectations and standards will positively keep you single…for the rest of your life or on permanent rotation…

I have accepted that in order for me to find the “perfect” man, I’d have to be the “perfect” woman. I will never be perfect.