Learn to Cultivate Your Relationship…

There will be a multitude of situations in life that you will need to cultivate like a harvest. This includes relationships. We want this prefect ready to go relationship with a person that is not categorized as “work in progress”.  In fact, the person who desires this perfect relationship and man/woman to go along with it all is the one with the most issues. Most people want what they are not or can’t offer. 

This does not mean you welcome a person into your life that cheats, and abuses you on all levels. Please don’t ever believe that people will change just because of marriage. They will be the same person they were prior to getting married. Change will only come if they decide on their own to make that change. You can’t change a person it is ultimately their decision. You will hear people say ,  “She changed me” nope buddy you made that change on your own. You decide to change because you knew that you wold lose her if you didn’t. “He changed me,”  Nope lady you changed on your own because you realized you have a good thing going with him. 

Relationships are very similar to building a house. You must have a strong foundation or the infrastructure will collapse. You must maintain your relationships and implement upgrades and improvements along the way within. Ever notice how dedicated most are to their jobs? They are loyal to the employer, remained employed over the years, received promotions because of this! The same should apply to your relationship. Be loyal, dedicated, respect each other’s time, produce, don’t make unnecessary mistakes and I could go on. Your actions mean everything. Don’t show up for work or scream at your boss and see what happens next. You will be fired…Life is so short that you really need to know that the right person needs a little cultivating. 

Have a wonderful day and I wish you a successful and healthy relationship!

Advertisements

False Sisterhood

I’ve known this particular female for over 20 years and loved her like a sister.

Well, she sent me an invitation to her wedding, and it arrived two weeks after her wedding.
Ghetto mailman lost it post date was 30 days prior to wedding date on invite.

I kept calling and texted her to get the location and she NEVER responded.
Ok, over that now…I guess being a new bride to be she was busy.

It really hurt me to miss her wedding.

Several years later we connected on Facebook…I attempted to spend time with my sister like friend, so I thought- she was always busy or too sleepy to see me. I know, I should have taken the hint, but I refused to believe she was that fake and mean.

Then she told me, ” I can’t hang out with you, I can’t compete with you”
She hurt my heart since I loved her in spite of.

I don’t compete with anyone and why would she feel she had to compete with me? If only people would learn to love themselves better and that would totally eliminate insecurity.

I ran into her at the grocery store, and she acted like she saw a ghost…WOW!

A Stranger’s Heart…

I was sitting on the bench waiting for a delayed train at Metro Center listening to music.
It seems that people will talk to you no matter if you have headphones inserted in your ears which seems to be a way of telling people you are trying to tune them out.
I am always aware of my surroundings so unfortunately this young lady walked towards me as I looked up and struck up a conversation.

The first thing that came to mind is “Why is she bothering me and does she not see that I am listening to music?”
Well, I took my earphones out of my ears and welcomed her conversation which was about the shoes on my feet.
Her eyes were bright and full of excitement as she complimented my shoes. Something told me that she had something more to tell me and it wasn’t about my shoes.
I motioned her to sit next to me. I kind of don’t like people standing over me while conversing and my feet were hurting a bit from wearing the same high heel shoes for over 9 hours so standing was not an option.

We ranted on about how shoes have evolved over the years and how fashion repeats itself. I welcomed her conversation and was just as excited that someone loved shoes just as much as I do. She knew the history of the high heel being created by a man who saw his wife reach for an object with her heals
lifted and thought it was sexy and that is how the high heel shoe was born!
The conversation shifted rather quickly and her eyes seem to drift off to a place of deep thought which had me worried. I thought “Oh goodness let me find out she’s about to hit on me”.

Out of nowhere she began to talk about how she’s never been married and always wanted to have children. I started looking for the train with hopes it would pull up soon but oh no the board indicated that there were still “Major Delays”. My day did not go so great and I really didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say I just wanted to listen to my music.
My heart became heavy when I looked at her again. She had this look of deep sadness that appeared on her face.
I thought to myself, “WHY ME LORD?” She began to share some horrific details about how every man she had ever been with cheated on her. The young lady was well-dressed, very pretty, great smile, slim build and very intelligent. But what was going on inside?

I listened and my mouth dropped open (rude me!) I just could not believe the things she told me that happened to her during those awful relationships. She allowed lots of those things to happen but she thought she was in love and they loved her…gee whiz!

The train finally pulled up and I sat there and didn’t move as if I were stuck!
Tears started to pour from her eyes as she apologized profusely telling me that she had to talk to someone it was just “one of those days” that she just felt like she didn’t want to live anymore.

I asked what her name was and I told her mine. “Nice to meet you Michelle” and shook her hand.
“You are a person that God loves with all his heart so when you say things like that it hurts him deeply”.
“You need to find love within and know that God loves you first and that is all that you need”
This is far too much for anyone to have to deal with and I wanted out fast… She replied, “I know”

For some reason I could not move!
She asked me what she was doing wrong and I replied, “Honey, I really don’t know”.
I had the nerve to start crying right along with her and I know we looked real crazy to everyone that walked pass us but oh well.
This lady was in a dark place and I could feel her pain it was really heart wrenching. “Are you sure they all cheated on you?” She replied, “Yes, there were only three that I have ever been with and trust me I am certain they cheated on me.”

I pulled out the tissues and handed her half of them as we wiped our tears this man leaned over and asked were we ok?
“Yes, thank you we are fine just talking about shoes”…he chuckled as he walked away.
We talked about lots of things but too much to write about and very disturbing as well.
My closing remarks to her were as follows… “Just because a man is having sex with you does not mean you are in a relationship and you must ask where you stand with him and hope he will be honest.”
“You have to look at how he treats you not what he tells you…never lose yourself in a relationship and become so dependent on anyone that you feel like life is no longer worth living if they decide to dump you.”
“I don’t know what you see when you look in the mirror but you are an absolutely stunning young lady that has so much to offer the right man, please pray that God will send you a mate”.
She needs to give herself time to heal from all the past relationships. Her sadness came from wanting to be married and have children. Michelle can’t have kids now but she can still become married to the right man one day. I will keep her in my prayers. WOW! That was tough…I swear to be nice to everyone as much as possible…you never know how much you can hurt someone.

Power ~vs~ Powerless

Sometimes I believe that you can overthink not just situations but LIFE itself…Here comes the worry monster and it just gobbles up all your happiness.

Lately, I have also noticed that people in general focus on the things they have absolutely no power over more often than not.

The things we can change we neglect to actually take action with procrastination being the devil…instead we focus on things that have already happened that we can’t reverse rather than the things we have the power to change.

I am totally guilty of worrying about things that will be no matter how much I may wish or hope it away.

My focus is being proactive not reactive to LIFE…this is easier said than done without a doubt.
Naturally, there are some situations that will only allow you to be reactive but this only means you weren’t proactive.

If someone slaps you in the face more than likely you saw it coming but instead of removing yourself from harm’s way (proactive) you stay and get slapped therefore you return the favor (reactive).
Life is the same way…but we chose to put the blinders on then look at adversity like a deer’s eyes illuminated by blinding headlights.

None of us have a crystal ball to help us along the way however there are red flags and major indicators that we overlook because we don’t want to accept the possible outcome.
Instead of dwelling on things we can’t change let’s focus on what’s next and the things we can change!

You will soon find that your stress level will be almost non-existent….Life is too short to get stuck in a rut we have to keep it moving. People will not only see “happy” on your face they will smell it a mile away and hate you for it….because they too want to be happy just like you!

Choose Wisely

This goes for both sexes…
If you have a person that loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you please make sure you understand that is rare these days.

They don’t have to be perfect but perfect for you! If you make each other happy, love, respect and appreciate what you have that’s worth more than gold…

That’s exactly why you shouldn’t date anyone you don’t see yourself having a future with. You both must want the same thing or it’s a waste of LIFE!

Feelings change when the person was indecisive to begin with and is an indication of immaturity. Unless, someone did something horrible to make your feelings change.

Most of us know what we need but sometimes there are outside interferences such as your past that will disrupt your future if you allow it.

Naturally, there are other factors that I didn’t mention but you get the idea…
You never want to look back and say “I made a huge mistake letting her/him go”

Sometimes we push the very person that loves us like no other person will in this lifetime being stupid and blind.
That very person will be there to take care of you when you grow old or become ill whereas the person you dumped your true love for will throw your arse in a old folks home faster than you can blink.

This old saying rings true: “THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE”

What a F*ucking Loser!

This can’t be happening to me..A seeker and destroyer has come out of the darkness to find me.

Some people don’t want to see me happy sad but very true. I am happy doing well with my man and we are moving forward letting nothing come between us. Then out of the blue…
Yes, another idiot contacted me today. “No Caller ID” a million times until I finally picked up.

“We need to talk” You can’t be serious!? There is nothing to talk about but you going away and never calling me again. He says, he’s moved on that is good so why are you calling me if you have “moved on”. OHHHHHHH! It gets worse! This crazy fawker had the nerve to ask if he could see me…I don’t think so buddy…why the hell would I want to see my past?

I live in the present and loving every minute of it then he tries to come and rain on my parade…that’s a darn shame. Misery loves company. I respect my man and will never do anything to hurt him ever again not even for all the tea in China. His love is worth more than Gold to me.

I am telling you this is crazy!!…People do you dirty in the past wait it out with hopes that you will forget the horrible things they did to you.
Totally convinced that there are some really clinically insane people out here that believe they are actually normal. Why is it that some people think they can do you dirty and you are supposed to act as if nothing was done?

It’s easy to forgive but hard to forget when someone rips out a piece of your heart. The nerve of them to try and attempt to speak to you when all you want to do is forget they ever existed.
Why pour alcohol in an open wound? IF you have moved on then MOVE ON!

This means don’t come to my job, email, text nor call…MOVE ON! Leave well enough alone.
When things don’t work out it was never meant to be and be happy that they are out of your life.

What a fucking loser!!

Hurt People

Good morning!

Thanks to everyone that actually took the time to read my blog.

Your support is appreciated😄
Some of the comments and especially the emails received brought tears to my eyes…

I’ve read some emails and actually broke down crying uncontrollably because I never knew there were so many hurt people.

Knowing that my words changed lives and encouraged them to not commit suicide is a feeling that can’t be described.

I’ve respected their privacy and they trusted me enough to share what was eating them alive.

All I can say is we must stop hurting people it’s really bad guys. Stick to the golden rule treat others like you would want to be treated.

You’d be surprised of how fragile some folks are who pretend to be strong. I can’t believe the mean things people do to each other not caring about anyone but themselves.

I’ve become a better person as a result of the many emails received realizing that I need to change.

I love everyone even those who hate my guts and did me wrong. To hate someone just isn’t part of my DNA.

Call me silly but hate is a strong emotion that eats at your spirit like cancer!!!

We have to care about how we treat others starting today!