Tag Archives: Dating

Why Hide Something Beautiful?

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Just when you think someone is your friend they prove otherwise. I must admit when I saw her post on Facebook it really hurt my little feelings.

Sometimes I can be overly emotional; however this is only when bamboozled into thinking you really care about me as a Human Being First than a friend.

For example; I post pictures of Timmie and myself on my page all the time. There are several posts that represent positive feedback not only about Timmie but about MEN being wonderful. Not all men are dogs or no good dead beat Fathers.

Funny I stumbled across a post that went against the “loving” activity on my page.
Her statement was valid however; not in my case at all. Just because your relationship/marriage was ruined as a result of social media does not mean that will happen to my relationship.
Only the strong survive who have REAL LOVE as the foundation of their relationship. Trust and loyalty means everything if you don’t have that you have nothing! Yes, we had to rebuild our trust now it’s solid as a ROCK!

There are just not enough positive things said about Black Men in general when it comes to relationships and being a parent.

I am beginning to think that if you are happy MANY people hate you and want you to be miserable with them. There are so many folks who lived a miserable life for as long as they can remember. But whose fault is that? Definitely not my fault you are miserable.

If you smile too much you are phony and don’t even think about being overly positive then you are annoying. Who in the heck came up with the statement “behind every smile is pain”? That is the most ridiculous thing ever! You better believe that if I am in “pain” I won’t crack a smile no way no how!
I just believe that being unhappy is a choice no matter the situation since it can always be much worse.

Blinders of Hope

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So many times we go into a relationship believing we can change that person to be what we want them to be.

You really can’t expect change overnight although for some reason we want miracles to occur.
If they were in the bar and clubs every chance they got when you met them; why get upset if they continue that same behavior? You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into but YOU chose to put the blinders of hope on that he/she would change.

There are many instances that the person was willing to change for another person immediately. Sometimes it takes the right person to make an individual want to change. There is the fear of losing them if they continue their reckless behavior therefore “they change”.
Never pressure anyone that you enter a relationship with to change right now or else…Ultimatums do not always work and will drive them further away from you.

You must be patient and communicate your dislikes and things that make you feel uncomfortable as a result of your partner’s behavior. If they really care about you they will change their behavior not who they are. The first time a person says to you, “I am not changing for you or anybody else.” You must decide on whether you want to deal with that response or end relationship.

You are in for a downhill battle to nowhere. If this person wants to hang out all the time and leaves you in the house that is a RED FLAG. Have a separate social life; that is totally fine if you both are respecting your relationship while you mingle amongst the wolves. This only becomes a problem if you never plan to spend time with your partner outside the bedroom.

I am confused when it comes to people believing that their behavior is directly connected to who they are. In my opinion, there is a disconnect; as well a direct connect when it comes to behaviors that become habits. Meaning changing behavior is far more of an easier task than changing the core of who you are.

Lastly, be open to the fact that your partner may want you to change certain behaviors as well. You both must be flexible if you want your relationship to blossom.

Disclaimer
***Remember to search your own soul for specific answers.
I sincerely thank everyone for reading my blog and sharing your views on life.
All of my posts are personal lessons I’ve learned through my “personal” walk and life experiences.
The purpose of my blog is to encourage others and in no way will I ever directly tell anyone to do anything because the decision is yours and yours alone.
I advise this does not mean you make a decision based solely on what is communicated to you via my blog. My responses are based on “What I would do” if I were you; based on my personal experiences.
In the end, the decision is totally yours and something you will have to live with not me. If someone told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you? If so, stop reading my blog. Thank you!
Straight from my Heart, Patrice

Question

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Hello Followers,

I want to take a moment to thank you all for your support. Your comments and taking time out of your busy day to read my blog does not go unnoticed. It actually warms my soul to know you are interested in what Patrice thinks. Thank you…Ok! I have questions for you…please respond your thoughts matter to me.

I am still trying to figure out something that I already know. Well, at least I think I know the answer and could be totally wrong.

(Question #1) Is it possible to have problem-free relationship? Of course, most would say “Every relationship has problems!” Then you will have some that will say, “It depends on the couple and how they relate”.

There are actually couples who NEVER argue! (Question #2) What exactly are tolerable issues and what aren’t?

Followers I really would like to hear from you.

Love,
Patrice

Two Sides To Every Story

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Rule #1 your family and friends love you so they will side with you. When you tell your side of the story of course they will be on your side 100%.
I have one friend that will not chime in with me and plays the devil’s advocate and I appreciate her very much.
She always tells me that it’s not exactly how I see it and helps me to see the bigger picture.
If the person you are sharing your issues with isn’t there to witness what actually happened you better believe lots were left out. We don’t mean to fabricate stories and blow them up but we do! Everything that you speak about is the truth but it’s not the entire truth.
It’s sort of like texting you can’t hear the tone of their voice, see facial expressions etc. you can only assume how they are feeling. If you and the partner you are talking about isn’t present to discuss issues with the individual you decide to speak to it will never be fair.
You will make that person you are discussing appear to be the worst person in the world.
There is nothing wrong with confiding but you must make sure the person you are speaking to can get the entire story out of you in order for them to make a fair assessment of the situation.

Hero?

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***There is always a grey area when it comes to what I have written. Will there be cases when you should mind someone else’s business? Of course! That all depends on the severity of the situation and if someone’s life is at risk.**** Just be careful you don’t put yourself in harm’s way when you decide to play private detective or a good Samaritan.

You just found out something that was rather disturbing about someone and all of a sudden you feel compelled to tell them? Well, you really need to mind your business!

Even if you were part of the fiasco just shut your mouth please. Stop whatever it is and keep it moving. If whatever you found out does not directly affect you shut up!

“I really think she should know that he is cheating on her”. First, why is it any of your business? He’s your friend ok I get that part but the worst is when you have no affiliation with the person but you think they should know? Once again, just mind your business.

He’s your friend and you want to protect him, right? You tell him and then what? He will continue to see her because they already discussed having an open relationship…feeling dumb right now?

You are a person that feeds off of drama that is all. If you must be a blubber mouth please make sure your facts are solid as a rock and get ready to get the donkey poop smacked out of you if you bark up the wrong tree.

You see her out hugging on a guy and he even kisses her on the cheek as they walk away holding hands. It’s her cousin fool and they are not “kissing cousins” as in tongue all over the place! They are just very close and love each other as family.

Everything is not as it seems and you better just look the other way. Be more concerned about your folks cheating on you since that should be your only agenda.

Whatever is meant for them to know; they will find out without you poking your nose in their relationship. If the situation occurred several months ago or even years why the heck are you divulging the information now? You are a rat bringing old rotten cheese and love drama.

My name is Patrice and I don’t know anything unless it is about me. I have a life of my own.

Mind your darn business and you shall see how much happier you will become. So busy cleaning other folk’s back yard that you have maggots in yours.

Don’t Be Angry…

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The very man/woman you are pouring your heart out to with hopes they can shed some light on your relationship woes is the very one who is envious of what you have. Just go talk to granny or pops and get some old school advice. Let’s hope they are not worse than your imposter friends.

When you tell someone about issues you are having in your relationship then wake up the next morning and it’s all over the 8 o’clock news don’t be angry. Learn to be more selective with the company you keep and whom you share your personal life with.

Remember that every time you decide to share your personal life you are taking a risk of that person having diarrhea of the mouth. People will pretend to care about you just to get close and destroy you.

I will never understand why someone would waste their time and energy trying to make someone miserable other than it has to be a sickness. I’d rather blog, work out or read a book before I spend my time hating on someone. Serioiusly? GET A LIFE!

Some folks can’t hold water. Right after you tell them something ten other folks will know every detail you shared with big mouth. In this world you basically can’t trust anyone but who wants to live life that way? This is exactly why you look for red flags!
People will show you their true character over time.

If your so-called friend tells you something that another person said about you that was negative you really don’t want to tell them a darn thing about your personal life.

I’ve had a female tell me that some chick came to her and had all this negative mess to say about me and she listened. The winch had the nerve to chime in with the heifer.
To make matters worse she in some way thought that her telling me that she agreed with the hater chick made her noble. #Blown.com

I was thinking in my head this b*tch is fake and phony and I wish she would leave me the heck alone. Both she and that hating chick can go kick rocks who by the way smiles in my face like nothing was ever said. Whoa!

Real women come directly to you when they have a problem they feel needs to be brought to your attention not gossip to others!

These are the types of people you never tell your business to no matter how much you want them to be your friend they are NOT.

Again, don’t be angry when the entire neighborhood knows your life story because you decided to share it with a snake.

Straight from The Heart, Patrice McCullough

Random Thoughts…

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It’s difficult to not equate wealth with success in a world driven by capitalism,how much money you have in the bank,how big your house is and how fancy your car is.

No wonder so many have problems having and keeping a healthy relationship when all we think about is where our next buck is coming from and where it has to go.

That’s exactly why it’s so important to have someone willing to build with you and not take; always having their hands out begging for your hard earned money. Even if you have it does not mean you want to give it away. When you have two people who support each other in many ways especially financially it really alleviates stress.

The same dedication a person gives their employer when they have a strong work ethic should be similar when you are in a relationship with your partner.

We work hard for everything and everyone but our relationship! We become best friends with others when our best friend should be our partner. I often notice that the things a person did to win someone over stops. But you expect them to stick around and for what? You basically baited them in with what you are not and will never be.

Betrayal from the start is not good for any new blossoming love. People size you up just so they can do and say the right things to get you where they want you then BAM! People can be so phony and hardly know who they really are themselves. For some, life is a big stage where they play many characters depending on the situation. I’ve heard so many people say to me “I really thought I knew her/him”. Well, buddy you just never know what you are really dealing with all you can do is hope for the best.

Straight from The Heart, Patrice McCullough

Single for Life

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What exactly makes a person decide they want to be single for life? I can think of lots of things but my reasons would be different from yours or maybe not?
It all boils down to being sick of being sick and tired of the same bulls*t over and over and overrrrr again! I swear some folks act like they have 9 lives even after wasting 8 of those lives.

I have found that you can tell someone that you are not happy and they will try to force you to be with them; it’s clearly insane. If someone tells me they are not happy and want to bounce; I will kindly show them where the door is with no attitude…thank you for not wasting any more of OUR time. It was somewhat nice while it lasted…have a nice life.
No matter what you say to yourself being alone is no fun; an unhealthy relationship is by far not the better option.
This really gets confusing sometimes for so many of us!

It seems that every relationship comes with its own set of issues that we choose to either deal with or run from. What I find that is hilarious is we end up dealing with same issues with a different person with a variance of severity. Then we must wonder if those problems are in fact manifesting within us and not the other person. Is it possible that we could be the problem? Indeed but not all the darn time…this is when a self-evaluation is needed.

My cousin and I were driving in her car yesterday after having dinner. She actually said something to me that at that particular time peaked my interest making total sense. Have you ever said to someone or to yourself “If this does not work,I am done”?

Well, my cousin told me that it’s ridiculous when all you need is time to get your mind right and allow your heart to heal. You never know if you will meet the love of your life when you least expect it. Don’t shut the possibilities out by throwing up a brick wall that reads “DO NOT ENTER”.
We let so many ships sail by because we are hurt or allowed someone to waste our time that was never meant for us to be with in the first place. Please stop asking, “How do I know if they are the right person?” When you know the very moment you meet them unless you are detached from reality. Wake up, look and listen…observation is critical. Listen to half of what is being verbally communicated and all of what is VISABLE.

Sometimes I wonder if being single something that was predestined for me or whether meeting someone that possess 90% of my character traits and defects (LOL) would make a huge difference.
If I can meet someone that is not the opposite of me that may work! We would understand each other therefore knowing what the next move would be if that makes any sense at all.
We all are on a quest to find LOVE…the type of love that last forever and doesn’t HURT.

Straight from My Heart, Patrice

Actions

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It seems easier said than done but you must not let the mishaps of life keep you down.

It is normal to feel a certain kind of way when someone does something to you the first time that you have no control over. But when you keep allowing people to keep doing the same things to you that hurt or makes you angry you can’t blame anyone but yourself.

People will do only what you “continue” to allow them to do. People “show” you how they really feel about you although their words say the exact opposite. Pay attention to actions more than the lies they tell you to keep you on a string.

Some folks really believe that they want to be with you because they speak it but they don’t show it. Don’t waste your life with someone that disrespects you when there is someone out there that will love you like you deserve to be loved. It is far better to be alone (single) than with a person that hurts you and breaks your heart everyday.

But he Told me He Loved ME?

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Dedicated to a young lady that I have been communicating with via email. I hope this helps you a little to understand what you are going through…and know that you are NOT alone!

As days go by thoughts of you diminish. In my mind you are no longer a dream I once desired…As a matter of fact you never were what I thought you were.
The fairytale love does exist but not with you and there is nothing I can do to change your heart.

Time heals all pain is truly something I believe…but the first thing you must do is leave…in order to start the healing process…It’s amazing how much success and happiness comes into your life when you remove yourself from a bad situation and stop wishing for something in that person you never had….just be glad that you have the guts to walk away especially when there was nothing else to talk about…

You’ve been there before over and over and nothing has changed…It’s like sitting at a stop light and it never turns green…no progress in your personal life or love life is a waste of your time with someone who is determined to make your life miserable.

They will even try and make you believe that you are the problem when their behavior clearly dictates otherwise.
Justification for hurting you is never acceptable so never ACCEPT excuses from anyone for treating you badly.
I understand that some folks are hurt beyond repair although they tell you that they are happy they really aren’t…Happy people don’t hurt people period!
Love is supposed to make you feel like you have a runner’s high not like you just got hit by a bus!

If you cry tears of sorrow more than tears of joy something just ain’t right…No relationship is perfect but this does not mean that you allow someone to use you as a human punching bag or mentally toy with your emotions.
“I love you” means nothing if you can’t show ME!