A Stranger’s Heart…

I was sitting on the bench waiting for a delayed train at Metro Center listening to music.
It seems that people will talk to you no matter if you have headphones inserted in your ears which seems to be a way of telling people you are trying to tune them out.
I am always aware of my surroundings so unfortunately this young lady walked towards me as I looked up and struck up a conversation.

The first thing that came to mind is “Why is she bothering me and does she not see that I am listening to music?”
Well, I took my earphones out of my ears and welcomed her conversation which was about the shoes on my feet.
Her eyes were bright and full of excitement as she complimented my shoes. Something told me that she had something more to tell me and it wasn’t about my shoes.
I motioned her to sit next to me. I kind of don’t like people standing over me while conversing and my feet were hurting a bit from wearing the same high heel shoes for over 9 hours so standing was not an option.

We ranted on about how shoes have evolved over the years and how fashion repeats itself. I welcomed her conversation and was just as excited that someone loved shoes just as much as I do. She knew the history of the high heel being created by a man who saw his wife reach for an object with her heals
lifted and thought it was sexy and that is how the high heel shoe was born!
The conversation shifted rather quickly and her eyes seem to drift off to a place of deep thought which had me worried. I thought “Oh goodness let me find out she’s about to hit on me”.

Out of nowhere she began to talk about how she’s never been married and always wanted to have children. I started looking for the train with hopes it would pull up soon but oh no the board indicated that there were still “Major Delays”. My day did not go so great and I really didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say I just wanted to listen to my music.
My heart became heavy when I looked at her again. She had this look of deep sadness that appeared on her face.
I thought to myself, “WHY ME LORD?” She began to share some horrific details about how every man she had ever been with cheated on her. The young lady was well-dressed, very pretty, great smile, slim build and very intelligent. But what was going on inside?

I listened and my mouth dropped open (rude me!) I just could not believe the things she told me that happened to her during those awful relationships. She allowed lots of those things to happen but she thought she was in love and they loved her…gee whiz!

The train finally pulled up and I sat there and didn’t move as if I were stuck!
Tears started to pour from her eyes as she apologized profusely telling me that she had to talk to someone it was just “one of those days” that she just felt like she didn’t want to live anymore.

I asked what her name was and I told her mine. “Nice to meet you Michelle” and shook her hand.
“You are a person that God loves with all his heart so when you say things like that it hurts him deeply”.
“You need to find love within and know that God loves you first and that is all that you need”
This is far too much for anyone to have to deal with and I wanted out fast… She replied, “I know”

For some reason I could not move!
She asked me what she was doing wrong and I replied, “Honey, I really don’t know”.
I had the nerve to start crying right along with her and I know we looked real crazy to everyone that walked pass us but oh well.
This lady was in a dark place and I could feel her pain it was really heart wrenching. “Are you sure they all cheated on you?” She replied, “Yes, there were only three that I have ever been with and trust me I am certain they cheated on me.”

I pulled out the tissues and handed her half of them as we wiped our tears this man leaned over and asked were we ok?
“Yes, thank you we are fine just talking about shoes”…he chuckled as he walked away.
We talked about lots of things but too much to write about and very disturbing as well.
My closing remarks to her were as follows… “Just because a man is having sex with you does not mean you are in a relationship and you must ask where you stand with him and hope he will be honest.”
“You have to look at how he treats you not what he tells you…never lose yourself in a relationship and become so dependent on anyone that you feel like life is no longer worth living if they decide to dump you.”
“I don’t know what you see when you look in the mirror but you are an absolutely stunning young lady that has so much to offer the right man, please pray that God will send you a mate”.
She needs to give herself time to heal from all the past relationships. Her sadness came from wanting to be married and have children. Michelle can’t have kids now but she can still become married to the right man one day. I will keep her in my prayers. WOW! That was tough…I swear to be nice to everyone as much as possible…you never know how much you can hurt someone.

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The Shoes I Wear…

My closet holds tons of shoes.

Most of my shoes look beautiful on my feet but some are very painful.

The shoes I wear may look great on the outside but the sole is worn so thin on the bottom that with every step there is a rock piercing through the ball of my feet.

They may look pretty on the outside but at the end of the day when I come home my feet are in so much pain.

I am the only one walking in those shoes…

Walking down the street people say “Hey, girl those shoes are bad to the bone, I want some just like those” If they only knew no matter what size you buy ½ size bigger or the perfect fit they hurt no matter how nice they look.

This particular pair of shoes looks good on the outside and every female wants a pair when she sees them. Let me tell you this…they hurt so much that I had to retire this one pair of shoes that all the girls flocked to.

Love Should Not Hurt…

If a relationship is painful and you have to constantly struggle with keeping it alive then you are wasting not only your time but theirs as well.

I never understood why people feel like they have to cry, fight, scream and hurt in order to have a meaningful relationship. I often hear people say, “We have a history” ok, that’s great but how good is that history?

If they don’t hit you, call you dreadful names or act like a jealous manic they don’t care?

Far from the truth, it’s the exact opposite. People who love you will set you free because they realize you are not property and will respect your decision to end the unhealthy relationship.

It is impossible to not have disagreements and become angry with your partner. However, the way you resolve your issues is when the real test comes into play. Love shouldn’t hurt and it surly should not drain your spirit.

Love is holding your best friend’s hand waking up every morning to warm smiles thinking of how you can make each other happier. Love is a 50/50 spilt and if you aren’t there in the beginning work towards it. You need someone that will at the minimum meet you half way. There should never be only person putting in all the work while building a relationship.

Love is respect, loyalty and admiration as well as humbling in a sense that it has become a rarity these days.

Love should be easy and sweet taking you to a place that is pure euphoria detaching you from reality so much that you have to pull each other back.

Love does not ask questions it just exists and blossoms each day with a foundation that no man can destroy.

Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

I have experienced one of the worst two weeks of my life. Change is inevitable however the process in which change occurs can be extremely abrupt not allowing a chance to adapt.
I lost my Aunt and a wonderful friend who was a beautiful person in the same week. My cousin told me to purchase the paper on Friday since my Aunt’s obituary was listed and I stumbled upon my friend’s picture one page over! I was already in a sad place as a result of the loss of my Aunt to cancer. But once I saw Joe’s face in the obituary along with my Aunt’s picture, I started to sob uncontrollably. Is this really happening? I took a picture of the listing with my iPhone and texted it to Tanya who confirmed it was Joe.
Accepting the fact that I lost two people in one week is painful beyond comprehension. My chest is tight and sometimes I forget to breath until I feel light headed. If only there was another chance to see him. That hug I decided to not give him would have been given without a second thought. The times my schedule was so called too hectic to visit my Auntie would have been cleared even if for just a few hours. Feeling really stupid right now wishing, hoping and praying they both knew how much I loved them. Joe died in his sleep and even from his death whether by chance or not he wanted me know that he was called home. Joe knew that his friend would have been looking for him. Death is part of life but it sure hurts something terrible!